Something that has occurred to me in my move abroad is the feeling of loneliness which I haven't experienced before. Last night I had perhaps the most boisterous social interaction I've had since coming here, with two Americans and a whole lot of drink and food. It was nice, but I must say I am exhausted. Not in a bad way, but for an introvert like myself, a quiet overcast Sunday is just what the doctor ordered.
It's suspect, this feeling of loneliness. Being introverted, I often yearn for quiet and calm and I've received it in spades here, to the point I actually got sick of it. In turn, I yearned for spending time with people. Once that craving was satisfied, back to the hole of loneliness I go.
This isn't to say that being alone or even being lonely is as damaging as some would think. Every day our phones and tablets are flooded with red badges, indicating some engagement from the outside world. However, this social interaction is little more than a dopamine response. This is not to say that I do not find value in this medium; on the contrary, our world's connectivity has allowed me the chance to maintain relationships both romantic and platonic. But I do find it lacking sometimes.
Seems like I'm crazy doesn't it? I don't crave social interaction, then I do. Once I get it, it's all I need. I like to reach out to people on social media, but sometimes the input becomes too much. Maybe I'm a picky creature. Maybe I am crazy. But at least I'm self aware, right?
In essence, I think I've realized the value of being lonely, the value of being bored. That's what I haven't experienced before, actually enjoying those feelings.
Tomorrow I start my Master's program in earnest and I am as excited as can be. I think dialing down has allowed me to value the company I've enjoyed and allowed me to be excited for the coming year. Some great advice I got from a close advisor and friend of mine was that when you go to graduate school, you'll be married to your program. I am looking forward to that in all honesty. I know that many of my days will be spent alone, nose in some dense manuscript with only a cup of coffee and the buzzing of my desk lamp to serve as distractions. But that's okay, for I can now appreciate being lonely as much as I'll appreciate spending time with friends, going to society meetings, and traveling abroad.
This is my adventure, and I'm happy to know I can go it alone if needed.
Happy October, everybody.
