How I’m Feeling: an Update

Life has been pretty dynamic recently. Lots of good and bad have occurred, literal life and death. My sister gave birth to two amazing boys and I am so happy for her. I am sad I am an ocean away, unable to help out. But I know those boys will want for nothing. 

Recently, a childhood dog was put down. He was a happy, drooling hound who always jumped up into my lap regardless of how his legs were feeling. He was happy until the end and fought hard against the pain. I’m sad I wasn’t there to say goodbye. 

Life in England is decent. Exam stresses from last term have yet to subside as I patiently wait for my marks. I learned a lot about how I work nowadays and have found I’m much slower and deliberate in my studies than I was at the beginning of my undergrad. This may be due to the extra care I am taking with the material. However, at the same time, the year feels like it’s moving too fast. In around 6 months, I will have my degree. This has created a lot of anxiety for me, as I need to figure out what’s next. I am unsure if I will stay here in England or head back to the States. The prospect of moving again sounds exhausting. 

Outside of studies, I have maintained my friendships and work relationships as well as I can. However, I will admit, keeping up with the nightlife culture of students in England is difficult. Being rather introverted, I am sometimes stuck between social expectations and my own alone time. I don’t have many friends here but the ones I do have I can absolutely rely on and I am so thankful for them. They know who they are, and I appreciate them keeping me around even when I make a fool of myself.

 I am assisting at a student conference this coming weekend, which will be exciting and good for my CV. A bit broke right now, may get a job to supplement my student loans. The exchange rate has not been kind, and I could definitely use some travel money for a change of scenery. 

Overall, my health is getting a bit better. Still don’t have full mobility in my knees and scheduling a checkup has been difficult, but I am optimistic. Weight is coming down gradually, if at a bit of a plateau right now. Trying to keep the numbers in my favor. 

Mentally, I feel a bit tired. This past week it became difficult to get out of bed and face the day. I feel like I haven’t been able to keep up in a lot of ways. I have always been hard on myself, but it feels particularly tough when the basic things like keeping my flat clean and cooking dinner seem like scaling a mountain. I have been in contact with the welfare office at the university and am attempting to go back to therapy. This transition period from winter to spring has always been incredibly difficult for me mentally, and I’m feeling that burden right now. Looking forward to shaking this fog.

I’m alive and kicking and immersed in what I love. Hitting a bit of a wall right now, but I am incredibly grateful for the opportunities I have and I keep an eye out for things that bring me joy everyday. Stagnation can’t last for long. 

Thank you so much for the people who have read this and supported me on my journey. Just want you to know I am okay and that I love you all.

First Vlog!

Movember 2017

Hey everyone, just wanted to share a link to my Movember page. This month I am raising money for mental health research and suicide prevention. Please think about donating!

Movember

On Loneliness

Something that has occurred to me in my move abroad is the feeling of loneliness which I haven't experienced before. Last night I had perhaps the most boisterous social interaction I've had since coming here, with two Americans and a whole lot of drink and food. It was nice, but I must say I am exhausted. Not in a bad way, but for an introvert like myself, a quiet overcast Sunday is just what the doctor ordered.

It's suspect, this feeling of loneliness. Being introverted, I often yearn for quiet and calm and I've received it in spades here, to the point I actually got sick of it. In turn, I yearned for spending time with people. Once that craving was satisfied, back to the hole of loneliness I go.

This isn't to say that being alone or even being lonely is as damaging as some would think. Every day our phones and tablets are flooded with red badges, indicating some engagement from the outside world. However, this social interaction is little more than a dopamine response. This is not to say that I do not find value in this medium; on the contrary, our world's connectivity has allowed me the chance to maintain relationships both romantic and platonic. But I do find it lacking sometimes.

Seems like I'm crazy doesn't it? I don't crave social interaction, then I do. Once I get it, it's all I need. I like to reach out to people on social media, but sometimes the input becomes too much. Maybe I'm a picky creature. Maybe I am crazy. But at least I'm self aware, right?

In essence, I think I've realized the value of being lonely, the value of being bored. That's what I haven't experienced before, actually enjoying those feelings.

Tomorrow I start my Master's program in earnest and I am as excited as can be. I think dialing down has allowed me to value the company I've enjoyed and allowed me to be excited for the coming year. Some great advice I got from a close advisor and friend of mine was that when you go to graduate school, you'll be married to your program. I am looking forward to that in all honesty. I know that many of my days will be spent alone, nose in some dense manuscript with only a cup of coffee and the buzzing of my desk lamp to serve as distractions. But that's okay, for I can now appreciate being lonely as much as I'll appreciate spending time with friends, going to society meetings, and traveling abroad.

This is my adventure, and I'm happy to know I can go it alone if needed. Happy October, everybody.

Across the Swan Road Part II: Return to Europe

*taps mic*

Hello? Is this thing on? Riiiiiight.

So, my last time capturing my adventures abroad was essentially a non-starter. Three posts for a total of six months... yeah, that's a disaster.

Well, hey, you try moving to a new country, learning a new language, and being a star student.

Okay, okay, only like one of those things happened. But this time is different! I promise.

The goal of restarting my posts and my activity on this blog are...threefold(?):

1) I got into a Master's program! In Viking and Anglo-Saxon Studies! So yes, in a year I'll be qualified to ask you "Would you like fries with that?" but in Old Norse and Old English. Not just one language this time, at least two or three more. You try deciphering Notts dialect, and then tell me why everyone thinks I'm a duck.

2) This program is in Nottingham, UK, so I'm moving! With the esteemed Judith Jesch being the course convener, I'll for sure be in a world of serious work. So yep, by the time you have read this I will be jet-lagged and overworked, with nary a blog post in sight until I get my bearings.

3) I'm sick of social media! No, seriously. It has been such a drag on me. Recently deleted a bunch of apps off my phone and put blocks on Google Chrome. Nothing will make you feel more overwhelmed than looking at everyone from your undergrad starting actual careers when you decided the real world was too damn scary and that you'd rather face your doom and debt in academia.

So as a little experiment, I decided I would have more meaningful engagement with those interested in my travels through this blog. The plan is to post every fortnight or so, although, I really won't commit to that, in case this experiment fails like the last one does.

"What can we expect from your blog?" you probably didn't ask.

I'm glad you probably didn't ask, but I'm gonna tell you anyways!

Photos - Instead of posting everything on Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr, or Facebook, here I will post beautiful vistas, bland English meals, and shaky pub selfies after one too many ciders.

Text Posts - Think of these as journal entries. They will range from the stark and introspective ("What am I doing with my life?") to inane and indiscernible ("If I have one more cup of coffee, how long do you think it would take for me to build a time machine to go back to saga-era Iceland because dammit I have no idea what any of this means") to simply complaining about the rain, the funny accents, or the lack of Cheerwine and North Carolina barbecue. The lack of those last two may also guarantee some fitness or weight loss posts as well.

Travel Vlogs (maybe) - I have been rolling around the idea that each big trip I take (such as the ones planned for Ireland, Iceland, Sweden, etc.) will have an accompanying vlog that I will post the link to. Not entirely convinced I'll want to work that hard or that they will come out even remotely good.

Topic Videos (maybe) - As I will be going through a master's abroad, there will be many a different thing to share, such as what I am studying and discussing cultural challenges.

Podcast/Audio Projects (maybe) - If I can rope anybody into doing a podcast with me, I might attempt to try my hand at the Two Dudes Talking™ genre of podcasting and discussing any and all of the things above.

Much much more (big maybe) - Again, still trying to figure out what I want to do with this blog.

To reiterate: I don't know what I'm doing, I'm headed to the UK to go do a masters, and I want to engage more deliberately with those interested in my adventures. No more will be the days of mindless scrolling and lackluster engagement!

Seriously though, comment on my posts, like my stuff, and let me know if you want more. This is all for those back home and those beyond thinking of moving from one country to another or thinking of making the foolish mistake of going into debt and pursuing a postgraduate degree in the humanities.

Hope you enjoy this crazy ride as much as I do. Send Thoughts and Prayers™ and plenty of American junk food, I'm sure I'll need it.

Sweden III

Hey everyone, apologies for not posting more regularly. Honestly, it comes down to sheer laziness and getting caught up in my adventures. I will be skipping around and mostly showing pictures of my travels, going to try to condense it down a bit more. Here we go.

September 3rd - Class Field Trip
On our second day of class in my Swedish Landscape course, we took a bus around the local Kronoberg county to look firsthand on the neolithic remains of the agrarian landscape as well as some associated burial mounds, farmland, and the house of the university's namesake, Carl Linnaeus.

Instead of posting all the pictures in this one blog post, I will forward those reading to an Imgur album for each paragraph. Please read the captions, as I will be telling my story that way.

Tour of Kronoberg County


September 10th-12th - Vaxjo to Stockholm to Uppsala and Back
After nursing a pretty bad flu for a week, I decided to buy a train ticket and book a hostel in the city of Uppsala, just shy of Stockholm. My goal was to see Gamla Uppsala, the old burial mounds as well as the parish church. There I met some pretty interesting folks. On the train ride from Alvesta to Stockholm, I encountered a woman name Josephine who had actually just recently came back from the United States (she was a native Swede) and was going to Stockholm to work for an exchange program. Another interesting mention was that a few stops away from Stockholm, a group of Syrian refugees boarded the train and were directed to the Swedish Migration Agency when we stopped at Stockholm Central Station. It was odd to me, being an American, as usually that sort of news is very distant. To see this world problem up close was very humbling. Without a very appropriate segue, as this was the closest I would get to a Starbucks, I ordered a pumpkin spice latte and boarded the train to Uppsala. Like everything in Sweden, it was sickly sweet. After settling into the hostel, I went out across the street to a local American-style sports pub and spent way too much money on food. I went to sleep early and prepared for my trip to Old Uppsala.

Travel to Stockholm and Uppsala

**

Old Uppsala 

I woke up early to catch the bus to Gamla Uppsala. Once there, I took probably 100 pictures of the burial mounds, the church, the museum, and the local Odinsborg Cafe and Restaurant. Whilst there, I hiked around and read on top of the mounds. I took a trip to the museum as well as bought an iron-wrought troll's cross as well as a Thor's hammer pendant. Afterwards, I ate at the local Odinsborg Cafe and had my first taste of authentic Swedish food. It was a hash called pyttipanna which contained potatoes and meat in a cream sauce, as well as egg and beets. I washed this down with some of their home-brewed mead and shared stories with some backpackers I met, one German and one American. After my adventures, I went back to the hostel for a well-deserved nap. I woke up a few hours later and talked with a man named Simon who was staying in the hostel due to a disagreement with his fiance. He discussed his whole life and his different perspectives on things and took me to a local bar. We had some very engaging debates about politics, pop culture, and history. He seemed to enjoy having someone to talk to, and it seemed he was going through a tough time. It was one of those few interactions you wouldn't normally encounter on your day to day in the United States. Apologies if the captions aren't working, hopefully the pictures speak for themselves.

Old Uppsala

That's it for now! I will be sure to update the next time some interesting events transpire. I plan on going to Octoberfest in Munich next weekend, so hopefully I will be able to get plenty of pictures. Thanks everyone for reading!

Sweden II

I will preface this blog post by answering the question: "What happened to day two?" During this time I was trying in vain to recover from jet-lag which led to me pulling an all-nighter right before orientation. Not a smart move. But onto the retelling of my last few days!

Day Three: A Cookout and a Castle 
After a fitful day of sleeping, I got myself ready to go out to a cookout the Linnaeus University international committee hosted. They called it a BBQ, but there were only hot dogs and soda. It was reminiscent of home well enough, although mustard, like most everything, is much sweeter here. I met a good amount of people there, eventually getting together for drinks at a local cafe. After getting done with the cookout, I walked up the hill to check out the locally famous Teleborg Castle, which was built in the 1900's as a gift from a local count to his wife. It is now used as a hotel and conference center. Cool, right? UNCG should learn something and build a castle on campus.



Afterwards, we took the bus over to the city centre, which is a quaint cobblestone plaza by the bus station. I got drinks with essentially the Western Hemisphere representatives. There was myself, a two girls named Brittany and Emma from the States, Derek from Canada, Sebastian from Mexico, and Alejandra from Colombia. We got in intense conversations about dating, cultural differences, politics, and of course Game of Thrones, both the show and the book series. I sipped on a Somersby Pear Cider and munched on a meat platter with bread and butter. It was absolutely delicious, and I had a dessert of "fika" which is coffee and a pastry which is usually saved for late afternoon and a social standard of Swedes.

This ended the festivities and we walked back to our apartment complex where I proceeded to not sleep until late into the night, prompting a rather long day of orientation the next day.

Day Four: Parkour and People 
Off to orientation, which was mostly logistical information. I gulped down a Red Bull and sat through a day long orientation. Not much excitement. Although the orientation started off with a video of students doing parkour through campus, which was interesting. It definitely startled my sense of reality in my caffeine-fueled, sleep-deprived state.

Day Five: Purple Hair and Pizza by the Lake 
The next day was a slightly shorter, more lax orientation hosted by the student associations on campus. One of the members of the student union had very bright purple hair and that spoke volumes to me about the youthfulness of the school and the country. More often than not, I saw people of all ages wearing casual yet snappy clothes and there is a sense of virility and style you see from many of the people. They make it look effortless, and one of my new goals is to take care of my appearance a little more. The Swedes know how to do it. I went shopping at the nearby Coop Nara, which seems to be equivalent to a 7/11. That is peculiar, as most things open late and close early here in Vaxjo.

Swedes love their sweets!

Later on that day I was invited to get pizza and drink beer by Lake Trummen near campus and we got together on the bank. We talked about all manner of things, myself, Jake, and Sarah being from the States compared things with Rachael who is from the United Kingdom. After getting too cold, we spent time at Sarah's place and I eventually walked back in the dark to my apartment, 40 minutes away. The walk was unsettling until meeting a cat, who is now a familiar friend: an orange forest cat who I see on my walks to campus almost everyday. There were many hares about too, where they are much larger than rabbits back home.

Lake Trummen

Creepy walk back, but the moon was very bright.

Day Six: Travel and Tribulations 
This was the day I became frustrated. Long story short, there were tickets being sold for cheap trips coordinated by the VIS (Vaxjo International Students) which ended up being sold out. So I got together and had a beer with some people from my apartment floor. Carlsberg is a terrible beer, would not recommend.



Day Seven: Cleaning and Cards 
Mostly I just cleaned and got my library card. Not too much excitement. Here's a rainy day picture from my window:



Day Eight: Geography and Groceries
First day of class! In a class about Sweden's landscape and the history of its people. The class was almost exclusively international students. The class was intriguing, and right up my alley as far as my studies for my history major. After the two sessions of class were over, I went out to go shopping and paying rent. Someone's birthday was today and there was a get together on my floor, and I dropped in.

Day Nine: Laundry and Laziness
Yet another unexciting day, mostly of cleaning, laundry and running errands. But tomorrow, I will take plenty of pretty pictures, as I am going on a field trip with my class to visit some neolithic excavation sites our instructor is familiar with. Stay tuned for more!

Addendum: Here are some out of order pretty pictures: