Life has been pretty dynamic recently. Lots of good and bad have occurred, literal life and death. My sister gave birth to two amazing boys and I am so happy for her. I am sad I am an ocean away, unable to help out. But I know those boys will want for nothing.
Recently, a childhood dog was put down. He was a happy, drooling hound who always jumped up into my lap regardless of how his legs were feeling. He was happy until the end and fought hard against the pain. I’m sad I wasn’t there to say goodbye.
Life in England is decent. Exam stresses from last term have yet to subside as I patiently wait for my marks. I learned a lot about how I work nowadays and have found I’m much slower and deliberate in my studies than I was at the beginning of my undergrad. This may be due to the extra care I am taking with the material. However, at the same time, the year feels like it’s moving too fast. In around 6 months, I will have my degree. This has created a lot of anxiety for me, as I need to figure out what’s next. I am unsure if I will stay here in England or head back to the States. The prospect of moving again sounds exhausting.
Outside of studies, I have maintained my friendships and work relationships as well as I can. However, I will admit, keeping up with the nightlife culture of students in England is difficult. Being rather introverted, I am sometimes stuck between social expectations and my own alone time. I don’t have many friends here but the ones I do have I can absolutely rely on and I am so thankful for them. They know who they are, and I appreciate them keeping me around even when I make a fool of myself.
I am assisting at a student conference this coming weekend, which will be exciting and good for my CV. A bit broke right now, may get a job to supplement my student loans. The exchange rate has not been kind, and I could definitely use some travel money for a change of scenery.
Overall, my health is getting a bit better. Still don’t have full mobility in my knees and scheduling a checkup has been difficult, but I am optimistic. Weight is coming down gradually, if at a bit of a plateau right now. Trying to keep the numbers in my favor.
Mentally, I feel a bit tired. This past week it became difficult to get out of bed and face the day. I feel like I haven’t been able to keep up in a lot of ways. I have always been hard on myself, but it feels particularly tough when the basic things like keeping my flat clean and cooking dinner seem like scaling a mountain. I have been in contact with the welfare office at the university and am attempting to go back to therapy. This transition period from winter to spring has always been incredibly difficult for me mentally, and I’m feeling that burden right now. Looking forward to shaking this fog.
I’m alive and kicking and immersed in what I love. Hitting a bit of a wall right now, but I am incredibly grateful for the opportunities I have and I keep an eye out for things that bring me joy everyday. Stagnation can’t last for long.
Thank you so much for the people who have read this and supported me on my journey. Just want you to know I am okay and that I love you all.
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